My dark passenger

Is screaming

Some Sh*t Never Gets Old

For example:

And! The smell of Vermont air.  So happy to be back!

I want him to be inked onto my skin forever

Hi friends,

After a little bit of unsuccessful research, I decided to turn to you.  Considering I spent my whole life around musicians, I hope someone can help:

Does anyone know where the original manuscript of Beethoven's string quartet Op. 135 lives?  

Or... Does it even exist any longer?  Even a facsimile would be okay.  I just need the 4th movement.  

This is a tattoo I've considered for a little longer than a year now.  The idea came from Kathryn, my longtime roommate and friend, years ago when I wasn't too deep in my Beethoven phase (can you believe it?) (I'm a late bloomer).  Over the years, I got more and more obsessed with Beethoven, and more inspired by his philosophy in the music, along with what was happening to him during the time he was writing this quartet.  After quitting cello, listening to so much amazing music this summer, and reading about his life, I feel the time has come!

Do you know what I'm getting?

Routine

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a daily routine.  Surprisingly as fuck, I don't hate it at all.

And not surprisingly at all, I feel like having a blog makes me feel super narcissistic.

The end.

Inspired by Crunchette

When I had a LiveJournal in high school, I only ever updated it when my life was ending, or I wanted it to end.  In college, I just wanted my life to look peachy to the world, and keep record of all the little pleasantries.

Well.

I'm in neither now, and I want to allow something that has been brooding inside of me to be purged.  Funny enough, I am returning to the thoughts of the toddler, fresh off the boat Lisa:

In the end, you only have yourself.

It's not THAT dark.  It's just the truth.

Wanna know what else?  I've never felt this unattractive in my whole life.  I've been much "fatter"... In fact, I am never one to feel depressed about the way I look.  I hate that in girls. "I'm so fat, I hate my life boo hoo boo hoo I never exercise, I feel guilty that I ate that awesome thing I just ate. I'm ugly."  I think it must be something in my brain.  And maybe Yellow Barn chef, David Frink's fault.


Anyway, here's a woman who knows what she's talking about:

Despite the post, my life is pretty damn amazing right now.  Arrived in Baltimore with a real job, a cute Jason and Robin.  I bought awesome new sunglasses:

And a long, rolly desk that goes over our bed, (for Starcraft, Dexter, and breakfast in bed) not to mention our awesome apartment, blah blah blah blah.  I think what I'm getting at is - I hate it when I feel and act like a FEMALE.  PMS-y, mirror conscious, too lazy to dress up FEMALE.

ROAR!

Overdue

Sorry, I've been in a time warp.  Or a Jason warp.

To sum up the last week:

The food - the ribs were amazing, but the beans were even better.  We would eat and laugh and every once in awhile stop to say, "dude... the beans..." Top of the Hill Grill is probably one of my favorite places to eat in Vermont.

The view

The date!

Yellow Barn's cellists (plus one bassist) playing 12 Angry Men by Brett Dean.  That's a lot of bass. 

We had the most amazing dinner in a caboose that sits only 20 people.

And then Mitsuko Uchida came in with two friends.  We had seen her give a performance earlier that day at Marlboro, and we were totally floored.  She was very gracious when we thanked her for her performance (and existence, though we didn't say that).  She said this was her night off.  She is a wine nerd, and is jovial.

The performance at Marlboro will have to have its own post.  Aurgasms.  Life-changing...  Needless to say, I purchased tickets for the rest of the Sundays during my stay in Vermont.  Stay tuned!

Dear God, (do not read if you believe blasphemy exists)

I would believe in you if:

-You bring the living things in this picture to be stationed at my office forever:

-You promise to never make it rain on my riding lesson again

-You make me slender and muscular without dieting (HELL NO!) or exercising. (I'm bad.)

-You give me this job I want for the fall...

-And as a result - giving me a guilt-free conscience to buy a watch as a grown-up present to myself.

-Oh and... Bring back Cinco de Mayo Robin.

THEN, I will maybe start to think about being a blind follower of yours.  Even if that means I have to be self-righteous, follow a bunch of commandments you may or may not have drafted, and God forbid, abstain from pre-marital sex.

Don't stone the heretic girl!

SOS

R.I.P. 

 My dear green-possibly-blue '96 Volvo... I thank you for all the places you have taken me, and am thankful for all that we've seen together. I will remember even the most excruciating squeaks sounding from your worn-out breaks, and the way the wipers never did wipe the driver's side of the windshield even in the most unforgiving rainstorms.  I'm sorry that I let Jason smoke inside of you.  

I'm also sorry that we never listened to great music because I lost the iTrip.  But your casette player was broken, so it was your fault too.

Hopefully, something good will come out of all this...(?)

Jason and I just got on a canoe after making sure the car was towed away.  

Morale is a little low right now.  Sent the cute one in the canoe away today... But I can't help but be so happy when I think back on this week that has been nothing short of perfect.  Besides the accident.  But I'm glad he was there for the accident too!  (and not hurt!)

Also, I know it's dangerous to have thoughts like this... But I wanna run away to New York for the weekend.

I am having some scary realizations about "the Real World".  One thing is for sure... In the workplace, there are ears and eyes everywhere.

I don't have A.D.D.

This is the street before mine.  I pass it every day and chuckle immaturely to myself.  Something's gotta keep you awake on the way to work pre-coffee, post 5-hour sleep.  Leaving:

That's right.  That's where I live.

This is where I used to live.  Kathryn is the only roommate I didn't end up hating who also happened to be a very dear friend.  And she's soft too.  If you're from Cleveland, help her find a job, or at least point her in the right direction.  She's smart, she's pretty, she plays cello.  Realllly smart.  Truly, award winning smart.

All my good friends play cello... I wonder why... Hm... What could it be... Lol.  I can't wait to hear what this piece sounds like!  Written for and premiered by the 12 Cellists of the Berlin Philharmonic.

This was placed on a window sill in a shoebox at the entrance of the post office in Putney: "Free snake skin from our front lawn"

They never tell you manual labor is part of the job.  This morning began with 5 unlikely suspects breaking and entering into this storage unit.  None dead, one lost a finger.  Almost.  A gun-blade-object was involved.  They will arrest the two Asians first.

Ruth picked these for me from her barn.  They had really hard shells and orange yolks.  She said I didn't have to refrigerate them, so I didn't.  I ate like a King for a week.

Searching for other ways to eat like a King, I went here:

Putney farmer's market

All I got was:

It looks good, but it wasn't that good.  I am so hungry for Asian food that (don't tell anyone) I ate this NON SPICY green curry... And today, I had Chinese food :(  The coconut custard pictured here was decent, though I think there was too much pandan.  As a result, the green.  

However, this blueberry muffin was absolutely amazing.  Putney Co-Op (yes, I am a member.  I own a share!  A miniscule share, mind you) makes the most amazing muffins.  If you go at 8 AM, it is piping hot from being out of the oven.  Fluffy, buttery, and not too sweet... It's a fucking dream.

I know I've been ignoring the "gustations" part of the blog, but speaking of dream, here is the best meal I've had since I left home.  L.A. Burdick Chocolate Shop & Cafe boasts a killer French onion soup, and a more than decent Nicoise salad.  Notice the egg is cooked perfectly.

Everything there was perfect.

 except something was missing.

But come Monday, nothing will be missing :)

Hope you enjoyed my end of May and beginning of June.  Maybe none of this made sense...

Learning, Learning, Learn.

On Thursday, being at work was torturous.  Not because I hate my job, because actually, I love my job.  It was torturous because I was waiting for the day to end so I could speed up the mountain to my first riding lesson.  My teacher Caryl owns three horses named Jack, Boomerang, and Bo (maybe Beaux?).  I rode Boomerang, but before I even started riding, we spent about 30 minutes breathing together, finding our center, and just learning about the horse's basic psychology.  Then we practiced getting on and off the horse, (WOW!  Horses are HUGE!) bareback.  Apparently, her method of teaching is totally different from the norm.  She believes that following the horse and becoming one with him allows you to ultimately lead the horse better.  It was easy to learn to get the horse to go, but really hard to get him to stop (without reins).  Apparently, she said some people think it's insane to try to stop the horse without reins, bareback.  BUT I DID IT!  She said I did extra well, so she taught me how to trot!  This is all super exciting, and I scheduled to have lessons with her for the rest of the summer.  FTW!  Also, the absence of cello lessons has made my life (un)surprisingly dismal, so having riding to stimulate my learning brain is totally awesome.

The other thing I'm learning how to do: playing Starcraft II.  I have always loved video games, but was never able to fully express my love for them usually because of parents during the pre-college days, and then because of ex-boyfriends, ahem.  But Jason keeps me young :P  We play lots of video games together, and with our friends, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.  Though, SCII is kind of a big deal, because it's the national sport of my people.  That's right, people in Korea DIE from playing Starcraft and not eating for days.  Rest assure, it'll never be that bad for me - I will wake up on time, go to work, and act as if my army did not get totally demolished by the Zerg at 3 AM the night before.  Jason is a good teacher, though sometimes he pushes me too hard because even he cannot deny my uncontainable potential ;)  Let's face it - war is here, and it's gonna be a long battle.  I'm too n00b to play anyone just yet, but you just wait...

Warning: Deep fried CHEESE with CHEESE mousse on top
Now, I'm posting this video NOT because I think it deserves cinematic acclaim in ANY way.  In fact, I think it's probably one of the cheesiest things I've ever seen and felt a little shameful to actually watch the full 16 minutes.  It's not totally trash, though.  I'm posting it because someone else, director Wong Fu (LOL!  Yes, I am racist), feels the same way I do about relationships.  I am particularly jaded and I corner myself into self-fulfilling prophecies by believing that my relationships will ALWAYS go this way:

But here is to hoping that I learn to stop forcing myself into tragic situations and learning to be happy without feeling like the next thing is the inevitable stage 5.  Happy is happy, and that's it!  You just have to look at Happy, and keep riding towards it.

Addictions: Troubles Away From Home

FaceBookers, I bet you eagerly clicked the shared link to this blog, ecstatically waiting to read all about my troubles with drug addictions. Muahahahahahahahaha.  Shame on you!  No - but seriously, according to Erowid, one of my addictions is a real drug addiction:

1. CAFFEINE:  I never thought caffeine did much for me.  I drank coffee because I like the taste, or to warm/cool myself during winter/summer.  Clearly, I've never had a full-time time job before.  Yesterday, I sucked down a generously sweetened iced coffee, and after the first 4 hours of work, my stomach felt queasy, and I was perspiring from pacing around the office.  And now, here I am - with another cup of joe.  I might have to start drinking hot coffee, so I'm, at least, not surprising my body with a monsoon of caffeine first thing in the morning.  See?  Responsible addict.

2.  DOMINION:  I'm not fully aware of how many friends I've allowed to view me in full-frontal nerd-ship.  Dominion is a strategy card game, kind of like Magic the Gathering, where you use money and action cards to ultimately own the most "victory points", which are properties.  All of my close friends (except a very special few) are nerdy classical music boys (hot!), and together, we have developed our own styles of strategies, and a cult-ish enthusiasm for the game.  Right before I left for Vermont, we had purchased two more expansions on top of the two we had, but didn't get the chance to play very much.  However!  Paul came through and introduced online Dominion to me, and since then, I've been in Dominion heaven.  Toby, Jason, and I have been ooVoo-ing while playing online, and it's as if I never left.  I'm so addicted that I call Jason to say goodnight and then continue playing for hours, before realizing that work is only a handful of hours away.  FEED MY ADDICTION!:  Let me know if you wanna play ;)

3.  DEET:  I'm gonna go ahead and blame my addiction on the 235729573977568 insects' addiction to my sweet, sweet blood.  Apparently, it's extra buggy this year, and it doesn't help that I'm always extra allergic to bites.  I would post a picture, but it would be considered indecent.  When I get to my apartment after work, (prime time for bug feeding frenzies), I zip up my stairs and close the door fast (and loud!) to prevent any critters from coming home with me.  I thought I was safe, until yesterday, when i was eating dinner with the window open and I saw many many TINY little bugs come through the screen.  I wanted to die right then and there.  DEET doesn't even do anything, but drenching myself in it at least gives me a peace of mind.  Otherwise, I'd go nuts, and then I'd have be addicted to other things.

They say the first step to kicking addiction is admittance.  I've admitted it, but with no signs of quitting any time soon.  I've accepted it.  Pssst, there might be a fourth in a couple days.  Or even a FIFTH! (read below)

My first dressage lesson is today!  I'm bummed, though, since it looks like it will be torrential-ly pouring by the time 5:30 rolls around :(  On a brighter note:

I'm an Alien, but I'm pretty American.

Memorial Day... I slept in until Scott called me in the morning.  He was driving to his (can you believe it?) JOB in Indiana.  It was strange to wake up to the notion of not spending Memorial Day without your best friends with a pool nearby, someone's parents sweating over the grill, etc.

However.  I had a relaxing afternoon with Lauren and John, sipping Harpoon at the local Curtis' BBQ.

Near the grill was a bird and his cowboy who sang and played the guitar, while the locals devoured piles of ribs with collared greens and corn on the cob.  I had their homemade cream soda and it was mm mm perfect!

Lauren and John showed me their adorably quaint apartment.  And since I've been starving for canine companionship, meeting their Yorkie, Herbie, was awesome.  I snapped this picture and later thought, These two are like Lauren's Jason and Robin!  I'm missing my family very much.

City girl meets... Putney, Vermont

I know.  It'll probably be less than a few months from now before I realize that blogging makes me too narcissistic and quit.  But, from all the different plans I've sketched for myself for this year, I've somehow ended up in Putney, Vermont. I think as a girl who grew up in LA, then spent a half a decade in Baltimore (not sure if it counts as a real city, but it's real, that's for sure), I should keep all of this recorded.  Plus, diaries make me feel:
1. Like someone will read it.
2.  Like I'm lying to myself, writing in a "certain way"

So I choose to lie to you.

No matter how much I love to hate on Baltimore, leaving it was more than difficult.  Maybe it was the hastily, unexpected manner in which I left.  Or the freshly graduated friends who are leaving "forever".  Or the beautiful apartment I just moved into with my love and little dog. (two separate entities, fyi.)  Needless to say, I was reluctant to go.

I'm working for Yellow Barn as "marketing assistant" (the title means absolutely nothing. my lovely boss said we can change the title when it comes time to put it on my resume) for the summer.  Putney, VT doesn't sound like the most civilized place, does it?

Wrong!  This place is god-damned amazing.  It is thoroughly stimulating both my gustations and aurgasms.  I was stupidly complaining that I won't have Whole Foods, when really, this is where they grow the food that gets sold to Whole Foods, who then sells it to us for double the price.  And what can be said about Yellow Barn?  Well, the actual festival hasn't begun yet, but I love the people I work with, and Jupiter Quartet's residency playing all of the Beethoven string quartets... Well... One can't ask for much more without being greedy.  It has been divine, and not to mention, the audience members are not your average gray haired grandmas, but are NICE, educated and cultured people with careers who have finally settled down in VT or own a second home here, commuting from NY or MA.  Emphasis on everyone being REALLY NICE.

This post is already too long.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, Lauren, John, and I will hopefully do some young-people things.

I love Vermont to death, but maybe I'm able to love it because I know I will be back in Baltimore in August.